you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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