And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
