so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
