Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
