he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
