like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
