Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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