Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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