I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
