dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
