he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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