When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
