rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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