If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
