My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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