FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
