Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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