This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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