Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
