I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
