you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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