now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize