just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
