it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
