she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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