weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
