why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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