If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
