Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
