no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
