you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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