their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
