o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
