I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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