you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
