mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
