Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
