A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
