how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
