Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
