He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
