I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
