She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
