I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
