Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
