I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
