Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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