I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
