Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
