hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You need Xanax blowdarts
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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