I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
