Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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