i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
