maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
