the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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