We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think my mom watched the whole time
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
