the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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