Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
