i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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