I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
