I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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