remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
