That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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