return my video game
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
