I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
