Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
