I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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