is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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