Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize