The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
