I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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