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There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
