Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
