Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
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i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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