I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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