Ambien. No doubt about it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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