this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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