oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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