I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
