I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
