please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think I sprained my soul last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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